train of thoughts {ii}

by The Dreamer

i imagine myself doing this. and i’m going to do it this year.

today, huiqin, vivien and i lay down on the basketball court. the floor was hot, and dirty. but all we could stare at was the sky. the clouds floating past, the little kite in the distance, and the leaves swaying – in a way so subtle you had to focus to observe.

we also held hands, in the most childlike manner, and sang ‘let it go’ as we spun around in high speed. jumping, and twirling, and laughing. jumping, twirling, laughing.

my friend shouted, ‘i’m flying off!’ but we went faster and faster.

it felt so exhilarating. a moment – a rare instance – of untroubled mind and serenity amongst the action and mess of fun.

i’ve always wanted to lie on the grass and read my books. or sky-watch. or people-watch (from that angle, though, it seems kind of impossible). i would be so engrossed in the simplicity of life that i wouldn’t even care for the ants and the earthworms beneath me.

i used to be like this. carefree, and not paranoid of whether some bug wriggled into my ear, or whether someone would think i’m crazy. my grandpa and i would sit by the side of the lake, and the silence was never silent. it was always filled with noises and sounds that were beautiful in quiet forms. my grandfather would breathe out air as soundlessly as possible. but his short breaths, added to the sounds of nature, made me feel at home. for some reason, it did. i felt comfortable, and loved.

today i saw a foreign worker from a distance. i was in the train carriage, squished, and he was in the open. around him was grass, grass, grass. he was the only one on the large plain field. i wanted so badly to sit there, with him. not cramped, and standing, in this sweaty corner of the carriage.

someday, maybe tomorrow, i will march over to the lake directly across my apartment, and dare myself to do it.

maybe the day after tomorrow.

maybe never.