Farewell, March.

by The Dreamer

goodbyemarchThe third month of the year rolls by, and I am left with epiphanies and confusions, but mostly worries that the year is rushing past too fast, and I’m losing hold of the leash. ❧

 

Right now, it’s Earth Hour, and I very guiltily admit that my laptop is turned on to it’s full brightness, my fan is blasting stale air in my face and the fluorescent lights above my head are not switched off. Sometimes, it’s hard to weigh what you want and what you need, ya’ know? I want to save the world, but I need to complete my homework and revise. (Ironically, I’m blogging, but you get the picture). I want to sleep in, but I have tuition. It’s a constant struggle, but in this month, I have learnt that it is all about perspective. This, I will elaborate later on.

March was a flurry of activity, I should say.

I caught on the K-Pop train after hopping off from it for over a year or so, and I reconnected with my favourite K-drama and fell in love all over again. I turned a year older, but felt inexplicably young and unsure of what lays beyond. I discovered more about my friends, and started writing again. I felt like I was finally catching up on my studies, but losing sight of my passions and goals.

Everything sounds really abstract when I’m typing it out, and to be honest, I’m not all too sure about what I’m penning down right now. So I’m just gonna list out mainly what happened this month.

This may sound really faraway, but actually in late Feburary, I went for Flag Day. I’ve been meaning to write the entire experience down, but being the loyal patron of Procrastination Station, I never did. So might as well say it now.

Flag Day was a compulsory event, but I never felt forced to do it. Volunteering has always been an enjoyable activity for me. There’s an unspeakable happiness blooming in your chest upon knowing that what you’re doing will benefit and may change the future of someone, or make them pull through another day.

I earned so much from Flag Day. Clad in my uniform and tightly grasping my donation tin, I remember taking in a deep breath, looking back at my friends challengingly, and approaching my first “target”. They were two office ladies waiting in the sultry sun for the traffic light to signal green. Thankfully, one pulled out her wallet and donated my first four fifty cent coins. And that motivated me to push on.

Some faces are just a blurred image at the back of my mind by now, but some has left too deep an impression. I shall quote some nice things people have said to me whilst giving back to society.

#1: Old Man, hobbles when he walks, looks eighty and ancient. Woman, office lady, frowning. Couple, sharing umbrella, the woman pregnant.

“Girl,” he says when I approach him. He digs in my pockets, which sounds empty except for a few jiggling coins. Drops in twenty cents. Gestures me into the shade. “Stand away from the sun, don’t fall sick.”

“Stay inside, stay inside.” The office lady says rather crossly. “The sun too hot.”

“Eh,” The guy smiles. The woman beckons me back in. “Take care of yourself.”

I swear, even without the heat of the sun, my heart melted a wee bit.

#2: Another old man, looks kinda crazy actually.

“Don’t be afraid to go to anyone. What you are doing is giving them a chance to give back to society. You are helping them. What you are doing is good.” Shakily stretches out a thumb. “Have a nice lady, young lady.

#3: Cute waiter on his dinner break.

First time he passes by, he smiles.

Second time, he looks shocked, because it’s one and a half hours, and I’m still there, rooted. “Wow, so hardworking. Good job!” He left without donating, but he was REALLY CUTE.

Along the way, my friends and I took advantage of this chance and explored Singapore abit. We walked a feat of 5km from Downtown to Marina Bay, met some Hongkies and gave them wrong directions. They had a really cute guy in their group, haha. They asked on what was the Merlion in English or something and I told them, confidently “Mermaid.” Ugh, killmekillmekillme. And when they spoke in Cantonese, we pretended we could understand, which was really funny. Also, I come to the realization that smokers and gangster-looking people were actually the most generous, if you were up to approaching them. Looks can be deceiving.

SAM_1616 SAM_1628 SAM_1650 SAM_1673 SAM_1686 SAM_1733

So what else happened? That was a major event in my early part of the year, but it was also made up of tiny little things like Thinking Day – where I had to stand in front of the entire school and sing in a pitch way too high AND REALIZING THAT THE ENTIRE GUIDES COMPANY WAS TOO SOFT TO HEAR so the my voice was literally the only thing resounding in the entire parade square. I laughed halfway through, and it was so embarrassing I wanted to cry.

I also tried out sailing for the first time because it was World Water Day and it felt so exhilarating. The wind just whooshing against your skin, and the waves lapping at the sides of the boat. My trainer was around the same age as us, and he was so awkward! He tried to teach us, but failed miserably. We attempted to sail, but almost ended up tipping the boat over. But it was a truly great experience.

And what else? March holidays rolled by, I reconciled with my undying love for Reply 1997 and found my new passion lay in BTOB and then my birthday was here and I’m officially sixteen! NC16 movies hip hip hooray~

Oh, lastly, I also cut my hair, to get rid of my bald spot, haha.

REPLY 1997

There’s nothing that I don’t like about this drama. It’s my absolute absolute absolute absolute favourite drama in all time, hands down. It’s hits you with nostalgia full force and all the feels you will get is not a joke.

The plot is simple, revolving around the birth of crazy Kpop obsession and a budding love story. About teenage crushes and family relationships. About school life and life in general.

The little monologues added in are pure gold. A little snippet of one of my favourites:

The reason my teen years are like a rushing wind is because I don’t yet know the answers: what it is I really want, who really loves me, who is it that I love. The time of life when I tumble here and there, searching for the answers. And then in the end, the moment when I figure out the answers to everything like a miracle… we had already become adults, and been doing big and small things. And like that, that winter was full of goodbyes. -Shi Won-

God, be still, my heart.

What really struck me was the boy-boy relationship that was managed to perfection in this show. Never once was the “gay guy” Joonhee ever portrayed as feminine and needy and whatever image society has sculpted for guys who likes guys. It’s a genuine liking and IT HURTS SO BADLY I can’t even keep a straight face right now.

And they take note of the little details as well, like when the protagonist steps out of the car and it’s raining. His phone starts ringing and it’s the first few beats of “Raindrops keep falling on my head”.

Everything is too sweet it’s getting me a decay.

Now time for my March favourites!

Favourite music:

Deli Spice – Confession

BTOB – Irresistible Lips 

 Electric Guest – American Daydream 

Zitten – December

Regrets – Casker

Favourite video:

My birthday was…anti-climatic. There was no snazzy “CONGRATULATIONS AND CELEBRATIONS” nor was there any big revelations in my life. My boobs didn’t suddenly grow to a larger cup (LOL) and neither did my height finally reach the 160 mark. It was just another day filled with birthday songs.

I heard the birthday song 6 times that day. Firstly, sung by House. Then, by the class (it was funny how they kept going ‘woo’ and ‘hoo’ and pulling the note as long as their breath could hold. )Afterwards, my classmates sang a Korean rendition, and guides did too, and lastly, my family! I skyped my cousins in Beijing and their family did a Ukulele style song haha. Thanks, everyone!

Though, what downed the birthday was the fact that my friends were all really upset that day. No one was really in the mood to celebrate. I’m not trying to be selfish and say, “Hey today’s my day, don’t steal the attention” or anything, but honestly, at least TRY man, goddammit. I had to encourage everybody and it was like a cold bucket of water dunked onto my head to see everyone so sad. Cheer up guys, it’s the last year and we should all cherish every second.

I want to look back and think, “Ah, yes. There were tears, but it was mostly laughter. There were bitter times, but the cup of coffee was mostly sweet.”

Today, my friend called me all sobbing and was really upset because she had spent money to send her album to be autographed and carefully crafted questions in korean, but her favourite idol was the only one who didn’t answer her question on the post-it note. She was literally devastated.

Life can be made out of heartbreaks. But it is also made out of heartwarming events like the ones I mentioned before. It could literally be just feel-good dramas like Reply 1997 that can perk up your day. It’s not always perfect, but that what makes life worth looking forward to. The rare perfect unscripted memories.

Recently, I also stumbled upon this article that I fell in love with. It was from Rookie, my favourite magazine, and it was called Friends Beyond Compare. It talked about getting too caught up in your imaginary perfect little world and unknowingly, you try to fit your friend into this mould. When your friends don’t fit (of course they don’t. Everyone has their knooks and crannies, right? Everyone is different. That’s why we’re called individuals), we get really upset. It’s about embracing every nuance of a person and how this is essential for a perfect friendship and I found myself intuitively realizing my mistakes of comparing my friends to an unrealistic goal. Like the article mentioned, “I reduced them to characters in my own personal drama, and faulted them for not following the script.” Everyone has their faults, and I am slowly learning to accept them.

Goodbye, March. You have been an enchanting month

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