July

by The Dreamer

two faces

 

Late into last night, I was buried deep into my duvets though it was stifling hot, positioned like a fetus as I peered at my bedside windows. I fell into the trance of the celestial body nestled within the obscurity of the night. Through my myopic eyes, the half-moon reached into my room with gentle fingers and shattered fragments of light fell everywhere, allowing me to see with complete clarity — into the dark, and into my mind. 

July: you were warm spells, flash floods, the calm before the storm, and after the storm. I’m not trying to compare you with the magnificence of June, but you performed your best, I guess. There were equal moments of stress and joy. Somehow, it was as if I had found an uncanny equilibrium to my life. The weight on both shoulders seem equal. And I feel good. My eyes seem to be open with possibilities and opportunities of what I have in the upcoming days. I feel like I’ve finally found what I’ve always wanted to pursue – but is it? Or will the fickleness of the teenage mind push me over to the valley of regret? My only fear is that being the embodiment of the word “zit”, I will find myself having moments of self-doubt over the path I’ve built for myself. 

But I know some of my friends are struggling, and I feel partially guilty for being engulfed too much in my own world to notice the neon signs plastered on their heads, screaming, “Help me. Save me.” I’ve become more intolerant towards friends whom, up till this stage, are pushing away opportunities and are indulging in materialistic and temporary happiness. They’re all falling into a vicious cycle, and I don’t know how to save them. 

July, this is how I feel about you. I hope you will be able to pass some of your serenity and sangfroid over to August, cause he can tend to be jittery. 

 

Love, 

钧  x x

j e a n x x

 

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