by The Dreamer
I’m sorry. Nobody wants to hear a little adolescent girl and her inability to fall asleep because of her crushes at 12.47AM. But like, I hope to spill my rants all over this blog, so I can finally get some rest. (Who am I kidding I’m going to continue reading my book lying on my bed until it topples over my head and knocks me out cold. #life.)
But this is how a crush feels like. You melt into colourful goo – or in the holy words of my favourite book, “his touch disintegrated her into a pile of gooblygook”. Well okay. The closest I’ve got is brushing against his sleeve round the bend of the buffet table. Not really touching. But this is how a crush feels like. The feeling of your soul wringed out like a wet-turned-dry rag cloth. It crushes your social life (because you spend too much time stalking his social media platforms), your mental life (I kid you not, every single dream involves him in a way or another. My subconscious ships us.) and your actual life (like trying to convince yourself to enter a school just because it’s HIS dream school.)
Yeah, I know. I’m pathetic.
I had this talk with my best friend today about how nobody will ever like me and I’m going to end up as a spinster AND the probability of my crush ever noticing me is like -15%. She tries to joke saying, “When I’m interested in someone I intentionally ignore them. I only talk to people I’m neutral with. Maybe that’s what he’s doing with you!” Buddy, I don’t think so.
OMG. I’m probably going to hate myself one day for writing this post.
This advice page from the first page of googling “how to deal with a crush” is mindblowingly true in depicting the situation.
When you have a secret crush, you cannot stop thinking about that special guy. The truth is, one day you will look back on that secret crush fondly and remember the butterflies in your stomach and the pounding of your heart with a gleam in your eye. As true as this may be, it is hard to see the future when you are stuck in the chaotic whirlwind of a boy crush.
IS IT SO HARD TO GET SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU.
ALL MY FRIENDS ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN ATTRACTED TO THEM
THE ONLY THING I ATTRACT ARE MOSQUITOES
(a poem by yours truly)
I should get some sleep. If you have advice for this (my friend is so 100% judging me right now. Yes you, Kahei.) comment please. Just thought I’ll give you guys a break from all those book reviews, hur hur hur. But this feels good, kind of like I’ve returned to the past where the blog was just a platform to spill an excess of my emotions.
2015 wish: Meet more guys so I can forget about this douchebag.
钧 x x
j e a n x x