by The Dreamer

So recently, I got back my GCSE O Level results. Let me just say that I was feeling trepidation, but I was also feeling calm. I once saw this quote floating somewhere on the internet, and it went something like, “Good luck is the residue of preparation”. I’m a great believer of luck, but I believe that the harder I work, the more I have of it. And that was exactly what I felt on that fateful day. I knew that I had pushed myself to the very limit, and so I would have no regrets with my results.

The first thing I noticed was the sky. It was dazzlingly blue. I was sprawled on the back of my car, leaning my head on my backpack, with my eyes turned upwards. The sun was bright, but not till the point of piercing. And the clouds were moving so, so, so slowly. Such insignificant movements. It made me feel completely at ease.

But then things happened. Like my father facing five red-lights simultaneously. Like me reaching just three minutes before 2PM, just enough for me to relieve my bladder and rush to the hall, where everyone was already anxiously seated. My parents had to stand–it was so crowded that there were no more seats available.

My heart was not yet settled when I saw my name flashing across the screen, and the principal requesting the Character award winners to stand up. I awkwardly unfolded my legs and stood up. Applause was given. I remember my skirt being bunched up in my fists when the principal revealed the names for the students who were awarded 6A1s and above.

And there it was. My name – first on the list.

Everything else was such a blur. I remember my friends tugging at my skirts, congratulating me with earnest smiles. I remember my friend coming up to me with tears gathering at the corner of her eyes, hugging me tightly. “I did it, ” she whispered between gasps. “You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

I know, I wanted to tell her. I know exactly how you feel. I felt this overwhelming surge of emotions brimming, and before I knew what was happening, hot liquid was spilling on my cheeks. I hugged my friend tighter. I was laughing and crying at the same time, and then laughing even more till the point of snorting, snot dripping and all that.

A blur of snapshots zoomed past my mind. I saw myself having mental breakdowns on my study table, questioning if everything was worth it. I saw myself in the library, nose stuffed with tissues, clutching my agonized stomach, trying to finish one last paper. Then I saw the nine pretty As beaming back at me. I knew I had found the answer to the questions that had troubled me the entire year. Yes, it is definitely worth it. 

I’m not writing this to brag. It’s just…in my essays I’m always writing stupid crap like, “oh, you reap what you sow” and “the fruits of your labour is so sweet” yada yada yada, but these words are like empty shells. They held no meaning to me. But finally, in that intimate moment that I had captured, I understood how satisfaction felt like. And to me, it literally feels like your breath being taken away. It also feels like the few minutes after swallowing painkillers, when the pain finally dissolves to a dull throb. I will never forget the effort and tears I put into my examinations, but the relief my good results bring can easily override the pain with ecstasy.

钧 x x

j e a n x x

(this totally deviated away from what i initially wanted to write, but no worries. i’ll catch up.)