does anyone even have their shit together

by The Dreamer

shit

i’m constantly wondering if anyone really has their shit together, or is this one big collective pretense that we perform daily, like a ritual, like a tv show with never-ending episodes. and why do people always think I have my shit together? it just flabbergasts me. do i? do i? do i? i don’t. look, little fragments of my life is scattered everywhere just like everyone is. i spent my entire Saturday completely unproductive – binge-watching Buzzfeed videos, taking way too many naps in the drowsy afternoon, and picking up in a new manga when i shouldn’t. i barely accomplished anything.

and this is a regular routine as well. when i come back home, i indulge in fiction and youtube videos and only start work at 11pm. but i fall asleep at 11.30pm. i don’t have my shit together.

it baffles me why people say i do. in just this week, three people have told me that i was their role model; that they aspire to be me; that they are so awed by how put-together my life is.

um, are you really seeing me? or is this an illusion through rose-tinted glasses?

i’m flattered, i really am, but i am so, so burdened as well. i can’t even freely rant about how i need to get my shit together without someone retorting ‘but you already do have your shit together can you please shut up jean’.

just stop. this is too stifling. i wish people would just see me as who i truly am. this ghost still lingers and haunts me, even in a new environment.

p.s (( meanwhile i take solace in this gif of cute bears helping a little girl get her shit together))

together

钧 x x

j e a n x x

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