count your blessings

by The Dreamer

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i’m going to make it a point to set some time to write everytime i’m feeling irrationally bitter or upset over some minor thing that shouldn’t be affecting me but still does anyway. it is only human to feel such things, but to act on them is a different matter on a whole. it is only human to loved in order to be loved, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.

currently, i’m trying to leap through that hurdle that seems to hit me in the shins the past month.

to be brave is to love someone unconditionally without expecting anything in return.

what really helps me to push past the cloud of negativity and selfish feelings looming over me like a dark curtain is by listing down things that has made me feel happy, however little and small they are, whether or not the people involved in it even remembered that fraction of a moment that relieved me of the heaviness inside of me.

so i’m going to do just that.

  • i remember during my few days saturated with mourning and loss, a certain special bird reached out to me and distracted me from my sad sad sad thoughts by asking me out to dinner and writing me this sweet comforting card and i realised that a card, cute crackers and company was actually what i just needed to tide through those tough times
  • hushed whispers in the music room with the lights off and laughing so hard that i got a sore stomach with the girls in my section
  • singing unashamedly at the top of our longs to the soundtrack of our favourite korean drama as we slogged through translating our music scores
  • relating to them my less-than-satisfactory day and them telling me “it’s okay jean, we love you”.
  • my english teacher’s inspiring and eye opening speech about all that there is to explore and find out in the world, and how examinations are literally the most insignificant thing that we should be worried about at the moment. worry less, work hard, but play harder, he told us. there’s so much more out there.
  • writing again – publishing my second piece of work online that was really dear to me and enjoying the entire process of putting my soul and emotions into the work, losing myself and getting swept away by the power and intensity and passion of words
  • i read somewhere that something is not considered art if one does not open his/her heart for it, and i think that is honest and true.
  • my dad telling my mother “she uses beautiful words, very well written” and tears welled up in my eyes
  • a guy in my section telling me that i looked “exceptionally” pretty in my dress
  • enjoying the music in the guitar festival
  • playing with kids in my reading class and then hanging out with the other volunteers
  • seeing my friends light up with the presents i gave them; the thank yous, the hugs, the sincerity
  • milk tea from the boys in my section
  • mom buying cake for me because i was craving it
  • understanding other people’s perspective without judging
  • shoe gnomes
  • my friends backing me up when i dealt with a scammer online
  • beautiful sunrises and sunsets
  • my mother fetching me from the bus stop when it was pouring
  • studying with my cca friends in the library
  • nice comments on my pieces of writings

wow, okay. this really makes me feel better. just not going to dwell on the negative thoughts anymore, and channel my energy into something else more productive.

 

钧 x x

j e a n x x

 

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