lapse

by The Dreamer

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it’s almost frightening how my body and mind immediately lapses into a state of biting cold once i leave companionship. the only time when i am safe and i am happy being alone with my thoughts are on the bus ride back home when i whip out my phone, turn down the brightness and begin to write little stories, because at that moment. my thoughts are not really my thoughts – what invades my mind are a burst of imagination, an outpour of emotions, and my soul falls nicely into the elsewhere that i sing praises of. but beyond that, once i stop hanging out with my friends, and once my shadow is the only being left for me to interact, i drown in my deep oceans.

i think i very much live in the moment, which is why i can instantly indulge in the sweetness of happiness my friends bring, yet when this warmth is taken away from me, i’m just left freezing and shivering on my own. i need to stop being so dependent on others, but it is a journey that i’m slowly pressing on.

these are a few songs that i have been listening to lately.

these are for the colder days, where everything feels too intense and these songs, especially with their lyrics, become replacement for companionship. my personal favourites in this playlist are “i revolve” and “everything”. “melt me”, however, by lucia, holds a special place in my heart, because its lyrics has become words for emotions i can never describe – “when morning comes//you’re not by my side anymore//feels like the empty seat is still warm”, “the stopped time//only your warmth can turn it back//melt me”.

i find this mix of music especially endearing when i’m appreciating my literature text – the age of innocence by edith wharton. this is such a dear piece of art, i love every word, and i cling onto every poetic line. it makes me feel grand things.

and this playlist is reserved for the more upbeat of days.

using youtube instead of 8tracks because they are messing up my tracks and i can’t enjoy it seamlessly like i used to. change sucks sometimes, but i have to make do with it.

é’§ x x

j e a n x x

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