by The Dreamer

a visual: waiting indefinitely at the bus stop, waiting for a bus that will never arrive. bus after bus leaves, coughing out black exhaust fumes that clouds you over in souty heat.

a visual: a game of dodgeball. two teams. “pick your members, captains!” the coach yells. the girl beside you gets tugged up. a finger pointed at the boy behind you. “I want you!” “definitely choosing you, duh.” “ugh, fine. I’ll take greg.” they do not want you. they do not choose you. they do not even glance at you. perhaps their eyes roam and glaze over your ducked head. they do not want you.

a visual: a narrow alley. you think your vision is slanting but you are not drunk. the walls concave and bend towards each other until they are kissing. stop, stop, stop, you’re crushing me! I’m still here! the walls do not care. they are just walls. they do not hear. they do not care.

a visual: you are on the train. there are people everywhere. it is the peak hour. people, standing. tongues, clicking. legs, bending slightly at the weight of their fatigue. every seat is taken and every one wants a seat. the seat beside yours is empty. no one sits beside you.

a tangible feeling: you touch your cheek. it is wet.

a thought: stop thinking about it stop thinking about it stop thinking about it stop

a sensory stimulation: panic rising up your oesophagus in the form of pale yellow bile. you still see remnants of yesterday’s breakfast. even your breakfast doesn’t want you, doesn’t want to be in you.

an auditory sensation: you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. you make me happy, when skies are grey being played but the cd is scratched beyond repair and the voice is all forms of distorted.

an emotion: loneliness. 

钧 x x

j e a n x x