just dwelling on old thoughts like the sentimental i am

by The Dreamer

i always get a wee bit tender when it’s rainy.

i swear, just a second ago, the window was flung completely open because i wanted to let every inch of sunshine into my room and i wanted to see the azure sky with its amazingly soft fluffy clouds in its full glory and i felt so, so incredibly peaceful and good. and suddenly it’s like completely dark. not complaining, though. i still feel peaceful, just in a more solemn, introspective way.

why am you writing a useless blog post right now! go and study economics because you suck at it. 

(nah imma indulge in this for a little while just because.)

((manhi, my rosemary, is smelling wonderful today. i’m suddenly realising this as i’m locked up in the dark bedroom with it and its woody scent is just completely overwhelming the room. it reminds me of walking beside the lake just right after a rain. simply wonderful. I LOVE THE SMELL OF NATURE. i’m a little upset that it’s getting brownish on the edges. hopefully it’s just a phase and it’ll go back into its full blooming state again. stay healthy, manhi. ))

(((also, i’m taking a break from my usual poetic writing style because my brain is exhausted and it works funny now sobs and it’s really funny because i absolutely abhor people who write like this but guess who’s adopting it!!!!! hypocrisy at its finest.)))

i went off-tangent. where was i.

dreams!! dreams are important. i say this every time. i won’t get enough of it. i probably won’t ever stop obsessing over dreams. oh wells.

i’m really, really excited at what’s beyond these 8 days. freedom. possibilities. a chance of fulfilling whatever little or massive dream i’ve ever had. my fingertips are already tingling with adrenaline.

i like to imagine a world where failure wouldn’t change anything. in that situation, what would i dare to try out? that business endeavour (affectionally called 35%) that my friends and i have always wanted to try out? would i still try out a writing career even if my recent literature exam has been absolutely traumatic and convinced me a little that i’ll probably never be good enough?

(with that being said, i’ve come to the conclusion that regardless of whatever grades i receive for my favourite subjects, it does not diminish my wonderful experience and my love for them. i’ve learnt so much from just these literature books alone, it’s mindblowing.)

it makes me reel a little at all the things i would willingly plunge into. and at the same time, i ask myself this question: why not try them out now? i’m young. it’s okay to take chances, to be impulsive and selfish and adventurous.

i really enjoy daydreaming of all my alternate futures, all the possible outcomes and i’m always wondering which of these dream-worlds will merge together and become reality? it’s my favourite past time and it always puts me in a good mood.

at this moment of time, i’m convinced that everything is worth a shot. after these 8 days, i’ll be revamping this blog (maybe), definitely restarting my dayre, to document my attempts at completing my bucket list. at least to make myself accountable and motivated. i really really hope i don’t lose steam along the way.

okie, all the best future jean. for now, let’s hit the books.