marginalia

by your sunshine

lessons i’ve learnt in the first two weeks of university

  1. nothing good comes out of comparison and putting others down. stop obsessing over the blessings of others, stop magnifying your own flaws and stop treating yourself as less. YOU ARE NOT INFERIOR.
  2. when you seek validation from others, you will receive nothing but disappointment and insecurity.
  3. people will say things about you regardless of how cautiously you portray yourself in public, so to hell with it. let them judge, let them label you as whatever makes them happy, so long as you are clear of what do or do not define you as a human. (chances are, you’re unconsciously judging other people and making biased, often frivolous assumptions as well.)
  4. there is nothing wrong with wearing makeup and putting on contacts and dressing to the nines. more than vanity, it’s about putting the best version of yourself out there. if it makes you feel good about yourself and it kick starts your day on the right note,  then slab on as many layers of eyeliner as you desire, wear all the coloured contacts you’ve always wanted to try and strut the fuck out of those heels.
  5. on that note, remember to tell yourself that you’re still beautiful in your own way. sometimes it’s hard to remember that when you’re surrounded by people who are just effortlessly gorgeous and it seems that you and you 105% best self can’t even match up to those standards — anyway. it’s not true. refer back to point 1.
  6. don’t get swept away. back away from things that make you uncomfortable.
  7. whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath. close your eyes. zen zone and night naps are crucial. it will be okay. it won’t always be this messy, or this suffocating, or this crazy. soon enough you will get the hang of it.
  8. choose to spend wisely, whether it’s time or money or effort. opportunity cost is a real thing, don’t sacrifice unnecessarily.
  9. stop being a doormat, jean. goddammit.
  10. everybody is flawed. seek the good in them and learn to tolerate the bad sides.

he reads lang leav and speaks in sign and cries when he thinks of his ex and you (and 10000 other girls) think he’s the most beautiful boy in the vicinity. when he smiles his eyes crinkle and his teeth shine and you forget he’s three years older and that he smokes and that he likes someone else.

he’s not good for you.

but why does he make you feel so….so….good?

stupid fuckboys.


“jean, you’re too nice.”

i’m not.

stop saying that.

i’m helping others because of this insecurity that no one will want me if i have nothing to offer them. if you knew that, would you still say that? i truly wonder.

 

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